So, who am I today?
The professional changing careers? THAT….might work.
The professional changing careers who has been ill for a number of years? No, no, no. Won’t go over too well with that next prospective future employer.
Then there’s…the “job coach.”
Resume’s drafted. Cover letter’s ready to go. SLAM DUNK. Then she tells me “Say THIS instead. After all, you ARE reinventing yourself.”
And I do.
I am getting interviews, phone calls. I must be doing SOMETHING right.
It’s just THAT….the waiting, the uncertainty, then you get the on-site interview and afterwards, you feel like…good? Bad? Like the nuclear bomb went off because you said something “wrong?” My anxiety is through the roof now (did I take my medications today?) and I’m wondering, “Did I really handle this so well in the past?”
Yeah. My thoughts exactly. I didn’t. I think THIS was more reality: give me that damned job or else. Then I’d get it and…it wasn’t what I’d expect. Well, when I gave the “two gunned” threat, what else was I to expect!
I look back now and laugh because I CAN look back – at all. I can also see growth. But I can also see….
…that I’m going to be a CONSTANT work in progress. Deep breath, get my “big girl” panties on, resume in hand and….back out there I go. No expectations of what THE ideal job is – just some qualities and even if I don’t see something glamorous, it’s OK. I can MAKE it to my liking. It’s all how I look at it.
But those interviews….heavy sigh. How I loathe them. I think I’d rather have my teeth pulled. Guess they, too, are a part of growth – as much as I despise them.
And to think, EVEN A YEAR AGO, I had NO DESIRE to even do this. THAT is progress. I’m still wondering who IS this person I am now compared to a year ago. I’ve REALLY changed and despite my frustrations with what’s happening now, it feels good.