She says to herself “Never again, absolutely never”
She even promises friends, family and her lover that this time will be forever
But even they know the truth; it will be like all the other times
Heartache, misery, tears of anguish and yet more lies
She goes to work but she’s got the telltale shakes of a “white knuckler”
Going it alone cold turkey, her mind is in a fog, another sign that’s recognizable
She can stop at just one, she thinks. She makes deals, bargains and barters with herself
It won’t happen again; never again; no more benders, blackouts where she’s another self
Especially when she’s at work; she’s been both sexually harmed and warned
Never knew what truly happened until she’d hear the whispers from the scorned
Problem is, she needs this job to survive and raise her children, who are lost
Her marriage, her loving and adoring husband, became the cost
He’s refusing to return until she gets help for her disease
And threatening to take their children to safety; she begs and pleads
Her family, and his, agree with him and so, this day was her day
Her day to prove everyone wrong; that she could keep everything at bay
The shakes, however, were an ominous sign of trouble; but there was more to say
She tries to go without but is finding that her headaches are impossible to face
Even with Motrin she can’t knock them down; she needs and craves a drink
Her hands are shaking but she can’t get those nasty shakes to stop
Hiding in her office she thinks she’s getting away with her misery
But she isn’t….and her desk phone rings. Her day of reckoning has arrived.
Her manager has called her into his office, as she is; shakes and all
The door closes behind her and she sits down….and awkwardly misses the chair
And there is a distinct odor surrounding her – while in her office, she hit her stash
The “emergency stash” she keeps in her drawer of a small bottle of whiskey “to tide her over”
Immediately her manager picks up the phone and another person enters the room
“She needs treatment. She is no longer on the job until she gains the treatment she needs.”
The woman gasps in horror; the person, from the Employee Assistance program nods
In a matter of less than an hour, the woman is taken to the nearest hospital for detox
The manager notifies her family…that she still has a job but she’s not allowed back
A 30-day program MINIMUM must be completed. Her family is not surprised….
This is the fourth in-patient program she’s been placed in; and failed.
That’s the nature of this insidious disease; most who try to quit on their own don’t.
Many die – by drink, by mixing with other drugs, drunk driving or other accidents
And suicide….the abuser gets disgusted and feels hopeless and ends it rather than deal
With the torment of quitting. And, for women, there’s the shame of being a mother who
Is also a “drunk.” But for women, there is also trauma involved and without treating it
First, any treatment will fail; Any…
And with this woman? She makes it through number four – but she’s sent to a halfway
House; to the relief of her family and her employer – plus AA meetings. But her family
Has already made its decisions – she will never return. They’ve had more than enough.
The kids are now in the custody of the father; divorce is in progress but she still has a job.
She is starting over….again. One day at a time.