My Heartache

I sit staring out the window; I admire the beauty, the decrepit.  The joy, the horror of life.

What is my heart telling me?  What is it speaking to me?  What am I feeling?  Oh so much

Colors changing, dying leaves.  Emotions from people from betrayal, like a paring knife

Animals scurrying to gather nuts for winter; people scurrying to find homes; terrified

My heart fills with emotion; confusion, fear, restlessness,  joy, love yet…It is hope I clutch

 

So, so much I’m seeing, feeling and taking in around me.  My heart is filled with emotion

As seasons change from the vibrant summer to the gray of fall, people die gruesomely

My heart shouts in silence in terror.  Who is the monster who caused such a commotion?

Yet I’m in so much confusion.  Not over the horror of the Strip, but what I did stupidly

I thought my beloved wanted me for something horrible.  Turns out, all it was – a joke.

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I started a joke which started the whole disaster, but I didn’t see the joke was on me*

It was a “he said, she said” then it became twisted around into a mangled mess of words

Words with meanings that were never intended to be as they were but there they be

He never knew anything; I suffered greatly and all for naught as all they were?  Words

The joke was, yes, on me.  But also, on him as he didn’t know he caused such a deed.

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Now?  Where is My Heart today?  Where is my Best Friend?  What is the truth?

The Strip seeks its answers.  Why was a monster on the loose to cause pain?

Why did it do this?  What was it’s motive?  How could it kill so disgustingly smooth?

I gaze out the window I see more leaves falling.  The colors vanishing; it starts to rain

My heart aches for the one I love and adore but can’t tell.  He’s frustrated; wants to know.

 

But I cannot have him just as the Strip cannot have solace or peace.  The damage is done.

And now My Heart goes to that place where Hell reigned not that long ago – the Strip.  He fears.

Yet he wants his love with him but knows he cannot have her; it was a wish. Again, he fears

For me, my heart aches and grieves as it is pointless to speak the truth; all I have are tears

 

 

*The lyrics are a direct play on the Bee Gees’  “I Started A Joke” which I must cite the credits of copyright to Barry Gibb, CBE, Yvonne Gibb and the Estate of Robin Hugh Gibb, CBE